I should have known the peace I’ve felt since surgery wasn’t going to last. But I didn’t expect it to overtake me so suddenly. After dinner I started crying and didn’t stop until I went to sleep. Then I woke at about 3 and couldn’t get back to sleep until 5.
I’m not in any pain but what once was a round boob is now a slightly blue squarish one. The bandages are holding it in a funny position and they are starting to itch. I’m still tired and swollen but now I’m wondering if the tired is more attributed to my frame of mind vs the surgery.
I lay here last night not accepting what’s happening to me. I still just can’t believe it. Do I ever need to? Would it help things for me to? I think 80% of this battle will be done in my head and my head isn’t ready for it.
Elliott wants me to stay positive and he’s outlawed Google but sometimes I just can’t help it. That’s when I read about eyebrows falling out, mouth ulcers and steroid injections. Then I tell him and he’s upset with me which is also something I can’t bear.
I’ve tried focusing on Evie’s birthday party next week but there’s nothing left to sort out.
I just wish I could learn to give myself a break. I’m terrible at sitting around healing. It’s doing my head in.