Saturday wasn’t a good day for me. I’m not sure why one day ends up being better or worse than another but I think a bit of the reality of my situation was settling in.
Those who know me are very aware that I don’t like being told I can’t have or do something I want to do. And being told I can’t have another baby for at least a couple years has just upset me. Now I see that everyone is pregnant around me. I don’t live in the best place for that. ‘Nappy Valley’ due to all the yummy mummies around. I just have to keep reminding myself that I’m one of them!
The other thing that probably didn’t help is that I received a booklet from BUPA (my private medical insurance through work) detailing out some of the ways they will support me through my cancer. Page 3 literally talks about how they will give me money towards a wig and a mastectomy bra. Just a bit premature to be talking about those things, neither of which I ever want to see or know about. Can’t I play dumb about these things for a bit longer?
I’m so scared as I know I will have some sort of surgery and I know it’s going to hurt. And whilst I’m trying to remind myself of all the positives (like being alive obviously) I just can’t get over the shock that this is happening to me. I am counting the days that I have cancer so that I can count the days that I don’t. I’m glad to see Day 4 gone.

Feeling: Rotten