My world right now is the weirdest it has ever been. I don’t want to get out of bed, but I don’t want to stay in bed. I don’t want to eat, but I do want to eat. I don’t want to be alone, I don’t want to be with others. I’m very up and down, feeling well and then feeling down. Elliott’s conclusion is that my ovaries might be turning back on! LOL, such a man comment to make but it could very well be true. I don’t feel depressed or anything like that, I just feel at a crossroads in my life and I’m not handling the pressure very well. Still trying to tell myself to just relax and have a good time. It’s so hard though! Especially knowing that all I really should do is try to have fun, to enjoy my life.
In some ways having chemo was easier. There was a set of things to do, pills to take at specific times and I was always busy making sure I was okay. And now I need to figure out what will make me happy and I really have no idea.
I know one thing though, I’m very grateful that I’m able to have the space and time to figure out what that is. In the meantime I’ll keep trying to just relax!!
Feeling: Pressure