Last week I went for a routine mammogram/ultrasound and they were both clear. In fact I head the radiologist say ‘U2’ as a grade. But my area around my scar tissue has gone all lumpy/bumpy, and it’s been hurting for awhile.

So they did a biopsy, which was excruciating. 5 samples all along the scar from my lumpectomy.

My surgeon is on holiday so I had agreed to getting the results over the phone, we had agreed that I’d text him and he’d chase the results and give me a call back to discuss. So I was walking down the street on Wednesday, sent him a text and he called me back straight way.

“Not good news”

“Cancer is back”

It was like a burst of white light went off around me and stopped me in my tracks.

What? Wait, how? Huh???

I immediately started walking back home and tried to hear all the other words that he said to me. I can’t remember them other then “More tests”.

We had been trying for a baby. We had gotten pregnant in April but I had a miscarriage, or a chemical pregnancy. Whatever you want to call it. I was only about 6 weeks along.

So many things are going through my head. I just had a PET scan in March and it was clear, now I have cancer again. Did we catch it early? I don’t know yet. Has it spread? I don’t know yet. What will we do about all of it? I don’t know yet.

All I know is that tomorrow Elliott and my dear little girl and I are going on a holiday for a week. 1 week in the sun, swimming and having fun. I won’t make any of these posts public until we have a plan, until we know what exactly is happening. Until we’re sure.