**I wrote this a couple weeks ago and am just publishing it now**

I’ve started up my hypnotherapy sessions again, so very helpful. I go to a woman who specialises in cancer care, and somehow she always she shows me the best of myself.

A week before my surgery on the way there I had a revelation. I’ve honestly been feeling badly about my Grandma Mabel lately. For those of you who have been reading this whole time you’ll remember that I attributed my clear cancer signs after the first bout to the fact that my Grandma was looking out for me, having only recently passed.

My Grandma was always telling me that it was okay if I didn’t believe in God, because he was always looking out for me. That she prayed for me daily, that she loved me. I’d tell her over and over again that it wasn’t that I didn’t believe, but I didn’t know how I felt. She’d just give me a hug and this knowing look of hers and that would usually be the end of the God conversation.

Lately i’ve been feeling bad thinking that she’s not looking out for me, and that if her God did exist, that he’s most certainly forsaken me. Cancer? Twice!? But then it suddenly hit me.

All my news has been good. Every step of the way, each and every time.

I have such amazing friends and family and they try so hard to lift me up each day when I’m down.

My crazy girl Evie

And then Elliott. My Elliott. Who makes me laugh every day, who pushes me to fight to live. He thinks I’m amazing and beautiful and without him and his love I might not be here today, being so very thankful for everything. He never falters and is always inspiring. I’m happy that him and my Grandma got to know each other and I know how much she loved him and thought he was good for me. I was sent him.

He said to me the other day that he thought for sure he’d be the next one of us to get Cancer. Not me, and certainly not again. But I would gladly take this on a thousand times if it meant he’d never have to go through it. I imagine this is so much easier to go through then it is to see the person you love struggle with it. I can focus on healing, or complaining! But for him he’s standing back, juggling everything else and always trying to be helpful. Goodness that must be tough! I’m not easy to please!

We celebrate our four-year wedding anniversary in a few weeks. And I think we should celebrate it properly! 🙂