Today was the last day I’ll have in a while to lay around in my jimjams and not do anything at all. Four weeks of driving back and forth. Nevermind the radiation just that by itself makes me feel exhausted!! I keep trying to not think about starting radiation on Monday, which really just makes me think about it all the time. I’m going by myself to my first appointment as Ell is in Munich. I’ve had loads of lovely offers of people to go with me, but when I was in my planning session on my own I almost faltered. I couldn’t breathe, felt I was drowning and I was letting my anxiety get the better of me. So I closed my eyes and willed myself to calm down. If Ell or anyone else would have been with me I probably would have let myself have a meltdown.
So if I go by myself then I have to face my reality and keep myself calm. I can get through it. From surgeries, port problems, chemotherapy etc. etc. I’m a tough girl. I got this. (I think)