Cancer Free / Day 24: Finding my strength

It occurred to me yesterday that I’ve done myself a disservice in writing my blog. In the beginning I thought I should have a separate place to write my journey through breast cancer, a place where people could go if they wanted to. But I should have put all this on my personal wall. Because people who are my friends/family…who really care about me wouldn’t be upset to be inundated with something happening to me that’s so personal. (I mean seriously if I have to see your selfies all the time then you can listen to me bitch about my blue nipple!) But not posting on my own wall has just been another way that I’ve pushed myself down, told myself that I wasn’t good enough or important enough. So that was a nice realisation to have.
The other bit of news is that I’ve just had a really good call with a rehabilitation company that is helping me in my transition back to work. It’s crazy how fast this is coming up but it looks like my first real day back at work will be the 19th of January. The lady was really lovely and helped to ease some of my fears/anxiety about going back.
1. My hair
Everyone who will see me will know my hair is short because of having breast cancer. So I just need to go in the first day with my big girl brave face on…let everyone take a good look and then I know everyday after that will be fine.
2. London congestion
I know this sounds silly but I’ve spent a massive portion of my time these last 6 months either on my own or in a hospital room on my own. I’m not used to crowds or crowded tube rides. The lady said we just tackle things in pieces. So I’ll have scattered start/stop times to avoid the crowds whilst I deal with other things and then after a few weeks I’ll try it out with crowds. I’m really happy about that. Huge relief!
3. Strength/Memory
Both my strength and my memory are not what they used to be. I’m definitely getting stronger everyday and I tackle my memory issues by writing everything down so I don’t forget anything. She’s assured me that both will come back, they just take time. For a few weeks I’ll have Wednesdays off to give myself a break during the week so I can rest.
I’m definitely feeling less anxious about going back to work and I’m so grateful (and lucky!!) to have people looking out for me. I’ve met so many amazing people on this journey. I know they get paid to do this but they are all so very nice it really helps make things easier for me.
Feeling: Lucky