Cancer Day 1: The Beginning

It was just a few weeks ago, after I had stopped breastfeeding Evie, after I had lost our baby in a miscarriage that I noticed the lump. I keep thinking I didn’t notice it because I was still breastfeeding but I don’t know how true that is. I don’t think I checked because I don’t think I thought I could really get cancer in pregnancy and whilst breastfeeding. After my grandma died I resolved myself to making sure to get it checked out. I had lumps in the past and the ultrasound always said it was nothing to worry about. And since then they’ve even disappeared.

So I came back home and went to my GP. Then was referred but the consultant surgeon wasn’t going to be able to see me for two weeks. Elliott wasn’t going to let two weeks go by without peace of mind so we booked in to a lab on Harley Street. On the Monday we went, I had an ultrasound and they could see the lump in my left breast but declared it nothing ‘sinister’ and wanted to do a biopsy to just confirm.

The biopsy was rather painful because they had to push the lump into a position where it wouldn’t move whilst collecting the core samples they needed. A local anaesthetic was injected and then they snapped two samples out of the tumour. Bruised and swollen but still hopeful.

The results were due to take a couple of days. So on Wednesday Elliott was at work, we did a 3-way conference call with my doctor and were told that the results were in, only they had gotten confused and it turned out that they were looking at an old x-ray. We were then faced with having to wait another day for the results.

Just a bit later our cleaner was here and I was feeding Evie. My phone rang and it was my GP, asking if I could come to her office as she just received my results. That’s when I felt my insides shaking. I knew it must be bad otherwise she’d just tell me it was negative over the phone. Luckily Biljana watched Evie for me and I went over, calling Elliott in the process. He was on speaker phone when Dr Hima started to talk to me, but I could see the lab report in front of her and the last word on the page was ‘Carcinoma’. But Dr HIma was confused about what the report was saying as it was in lab geek so she called the Dr who did the report and whilst on the phone took down what he was saying. ‘Grade 2 Breast Cancer’….’Outside the Duct’….’Invasive’….’Moderately Differentiated’…

I just started crying. She kept trying to console me but that wasn’t going to work. Incidentally the tissues they have in the office are the WORST quality of tissues ever. I think I had to use half a box!

She made an appointment for me for the Friday (yesterday) to see the breast consultant Dr Anup Sharma and we could go from there.

Elliott and I went last night to meet him and instantly took a liking to him. He is so calming and somehow was able to make us feel better with just a few words. He told us that I can be CURED. That we caught it EARLY. That it doesn’t seem to have spread. All the magical words that people want to hear. He sent me down to radiology to instantly get a mammogram and another ultrasound. They found another lump this time in my right breast, so in order to rule out cancer in my right breast I had another biopsy done.

He explained that we might have to store my eggs/embryos to have children later and that we’d have to wait a couple years in order to try to conceive again. I’m very sad about that but I am so thankful we have Evie.

My pregnancy saved my life and my miscarriage gave me more options for treatment then I would have otherwise had. I still miss my sweet baby but am so thankful for her coming into my life.

I’ve really struggled the past few days in wondering if my journey should be public or private. But I’ve noticed as soon as you tell people you have breast cancer then everyone knows someone who’s had it, and luckily I’ve only heard about the survivors. So I decided I wanted to be public. I need to allow people to care about me and to send as many happy thoughts, positive vibes, prayers and just plain love. Maybe one day I can be a happy story that can be told to someone else.

We hope our journey through this shocking discovery is short and sweet. We know it won’t be easy but the things that truly make us stronger in our lives and teach us the most just never are. Thank you to everyone so far for your kind words and your strength. It really does mean so much.

Feeling: Emotional