So very stressed…

Well, there’s been so much happening the last few weeks, it’s screaming at me to just make a numbered list!

Obviously I’m more than a bit nervous about Covid-19. Yesterday morning when I saw the news about the newborn baby, I was very, very upset. I let it overcome me, but I’m feeling much better today.

My baby is currently breech, and I find out tomorrow if she’s moved. I know she has, but I think she’s still breech. If she’s not moved then on the 26th March they are going to perform an ECV, an external manipulation to get her to be head down. I was upset when I heard about that as it’s not supposed to feel very good, and can sometimes lead to emergency c-sections. But with time, I know it’s something I should attempt.

3. If my ECV doesn’t work then I’ll have to have a c-section. This also scares me, not because of the pain or healing time. I have close friends who’ve done it and were rock stars. What I’m scared about is being isolated in a hospital with only one named visitor allowed, for many days. I hate being away from Evie for extended periods of time. I know it’s from when I went through chemo and had to stay in hospital. It brings up a lot of memories for me and until baby 2 arrives, Evie is still my top priority. I don’t want her to be without her Mummy. 😞

I had an appointment with my oncologist who said everything looks good, blood work is low but normal for pregnancy. One surprise was that she told me to not be upset if I’m not able to breastfeed on my remaining breast because “they like to work in pairs”. Breastfeeding is something I really want to be able to do! I don’t subscribe to the whole “fed is best” mantra. It’s like the difference between a steak and eating McDonald’s, especially in the beginning!! But again, I know I’ll do what is best for our baby and I won’t let it bring me down if I’m not able to.

Then my echo came back normal for my heart, yay! But because of palpitations early on in my pregnancy, they want to have me wear a 24 hour heart monitor…which seems ridiculous at this point. I’ve not had any issues with my heart and it makes me have to be in the hospital, to pick up the monitor, and then drop it off again. I need to limit my exposure in that place.

And last but not least, I have had a bad cough for over a week now. Courtesy of my dearest daughter…neither of us have had fevers, but the mucus is real. I think it’s starting to get a little bit better, but I really don’t want any Covid-19 on top of this chesty cough!!

But through all of this, these weird ups and downs over the last few weeks, I have my Elliott.

Elliott has been my rock through all of this. He hasn’t made me feel crazy or weird (like usual!). He understands my fears and lets me be upset for at least a few minutes. He’s looking after me and Evie amazingly well. I was staring at him sleeping this morning and I don’t know how I ended up so lucky. He really is so amazing. We’ve been together 13 years, just crazy how fast it all goes by!!!