Cancer Day 108 / Chemo Session 4/8: Need a Break

blood dyinhospI really do try to stay positive. Or have tried through this whole mess. I’ve faced my fears, cried loads and have tried to find something to get me through it, something to laugh at. But I’m really struggling right now. My husband is gone until tomorrow morning and I miss my daughter. I’m only allowed one cry a day so I just keep telling myself that my eyes are leaking. Yes I know I’m being taken care of etc but it doesn’t make this any easier. I am very sad.
So my neutrophils are non-existent and my haemoglobin is low so I’m sitting here having a blood transfusion. When I sit up in bed I’m out of breath so they’ve assured me this will help fix it. I’ve never had a blood transfusion but they are checking on me every 5 minutes and it’s freaking me out a bit.
They made me take a blood thinner as well and I’ve had it before. It makes your whole belly burn like it’s on fire. They let me give it to myself which I’m grateful. For some reason I feel better giving myself injections instead of letting them do it. Thank goodness for the experience doing it with IVF!
So yeah. Another night on the third floor. Supposed to go away with friends for the weekend. Still hope I can. My dream is to be sitting with them tomorrow night eating hot pizza from Pizza Hut whilst our girls are sleeping. I’m due some fun……or at least a break from all this crap.

Feeling: Sad