Cancer Day 19: The Heaviness

I keep looking at old photos. Photos of me as a child, in high school, getting married and being pregnant. Photos with friends on our crazy adventures…. and I see someone who is so free and it makes me wonder when I will wake up and not feel burdened. What will I see when I look back at photos of me from now? Will I always refer to it as that time when I had cancer? Will I feel proud of myself and how I managed it all? I just wish I could get through this and then take something so that it simply erases the entire experience from my memory. I feel heavy from all of it and I don’t want to drown.
Speaking of heavy, I also thought since they cut a chunk out of my breast that when I weighed myself I’d have lost weight. But um, no.

Feeling: Tired