Cancer Day 93 / Chemo Session 3/8: Just want to be normal

Well I still have to say that this round of chemo is better than the last, but I’m struggling a bit more this time. Whether it’s because I’m putting more pressure on myself to be ‘okay’, I don’t know. I’ve had a low temp for a couple of days and some aches. We called the chemo unit and they reckon it’s just the white blood cell injection and if my temp goes up to call them back. But I don’t feel like I did the other times. Something is just off.
But I’ve got some things to look forward to now, whereas I didn’t before. A business class trip in January to Cancun using our much-loved American Express vouchers. And a weekend away soon with friends to get some fresh air and recharge before hitting my last 4 chemo sessions.
Emotionally I’ve been very up and down the last few days. I’ve been missing my Grandma Mabel. Seeing Ell’s mum with Evie and how they play makes me think of all the amazing things my Grandma used to do with us/for us and makes me selfishly wish she could be here to help me through this.
I also just miss being me. I haven’t seen most of my friends since chemo started as the timing has been crap and I feel like I’ve not been able to really be there to help people the way that I would normally. I’m not a good daughter, wife, mother, friend or anything at this point and I can’t wait until I’m done with this stuff and can get my strength back and be normal again. I know after next week I’m almost half-way done. But I’m not a very patient person.

Feeling: Tired

Side effects:

Stomach cramps
Light fatigue
Low temperature
Aches and pains (shoulders, neck and hips)