Cancer Day 94 / Chemo Session 3/8: Forgiveness

Someone asked me a few days ago how can I still talk to people in my life that have been terrible to me. Said terrible things, done terrible things to hurt me etc. and I answered back that I have learned to forgive. Forgiving other people for mistakes they’ve made, even if they aren’t sorry, was a huge lesson for me. It took years for me to be able to forgive. But I’ve realised in that moment that I never forgive myself. I beat myself up terribly for even saying the wrong things out loud. I then stew on things for days, letting it go round and round in my head until the next thing comes along I can beat myself up for. And when it comes to my breast cancer, I’ve not forgiven myself for having it, for what it’s done to people around me, for the worry and stress and hassle it’s caused people that I love so dearly.
So that’s something I need to work on. I need to start forgiving myself for everything. But most of all I need to forgive myself for having cancer. It’s just not my fault. I didn’t do anything to deserve it. I didn’t cause it, I didn’t have a bad habit that spun out of control…… that’s my current goal. Forgiving myself.

Feeling: Okay

Side effects:
Low temperature
Aches and pains (shoulders and neck)
Mouth sores