Cancer Day 96 / Chemo Session 3/8: Red Alert!

I was released! Saturday afternoon around 3:00 I was granted permission to leave the hospital. But in order to leave I had to make promises and negotiate.
My oncologist (who is amazing btw) showed up in the morning and gave me a thorough examination. Then she said the following:
– I’m on red alert. Which means any more cha chas, any temp 38 or above, or if my pulse goes above 110 again, then I’m going to be admitted back to the third floor
– I’m on antibiotics until Tuesday morning
– I’ve been given a drug to swish inside my mouth to help with the sores (weirdly it’s an anti-fungal and after googling, it seems my problems with my mouth might actually be that??) So gross but the swishing stuff has REALLY worked. Like overnight worked. So that’s good
– And here’s the big one….she thinks they hit me too hard this round on the chemo. That because I’m thinnish, and have more of a muscle to fat ratio then they might be giving me too much chemo. So this next round she’s going to reduce the amounts a bit, assuring me the efficacy will remain the same. I shouldn’t drop too low this next time. But she did say that each treatment is cumulative. So it will hit me harder and harder.
After my experience on the third floor I’m not scared of it anymore. My oncologist said the more you go through the chemo, the more things have to be treated with more complicated IV antibiotics. So I think I need to take my not feeling well more seriously than I do. For example, I scratched the skin on my right hand Wednesday on a door frame. It bled for 30 minutes. It swelled up and hurt for three days. It was basically a papercut. But I can’t handle a papercut. Even in my head if I feel fine, my poor body is not capable of handling any of it right now. So I’m going to be more crazy anal about germs and being safe. It’s only for a little bit longer and then this will all be over.
Thanks for your personal (and public) messages. So many of you tell me how inspirational I am, how brave. I can tell you I feel anything but those things. I feel sad, very lonely, isolated, sometimes ugly, deprived, the list goes on. But even through all of that I do still feel mostly positive. I can see the end in sight, and it will be amazing!! 🙂

Feeling: Tired