Cancer Free / Day 361: The guilt

I keep hearing about wonderful, amazing people passing from cancer, and in the news there have been people who were diagnosed the same month I was, who are now no longer with us. There is nothing more humbling than this experience, continually reminding me of what I have and more so what I could lose. 🙁
I’ve had a cold on and off the last few weeks and I’m really struggling with staying on top of it. I just can’t shake it. I finally went to the doctor today after having lost my voice completely and was diagnosed with a sinus infection.
But each time I’m sick, and can’t shake it, the panic and anxiety begins to set in. Has my cancer spread? Is this a sign of worse things? And then it starts to spiral…why do I get to live when so many others don’t? I try to keep my chin up, especially when I see my sweet girl but the guilt is overwhelming.
I know logically that my prognosis was excellent, that my cancer hadn’t spread, that I did everything I could to kill it. But the doubt eats at me…so I’m again doing what I can…resting, eating well, taking my vitamins and just hoping, hoping, hoping that I recover quickly…

Feeling: Sick