I’m tense, a bit defensive and slightly angry. All signs point towards something bothering me, gnawing at me. After reflection I realise it’s because of Monday. I want to know what my treatment plan will be. What sort of toxins will I be flushing through my body this time? How much will I have, how often? When do I start? When will I finish?

Who will I be when it’s all over with?

How will this change me?

I really want to know the answers and yet I’m terrified to know the answers. She could say ‘Let’s start!’ and then by this time next week I could have already had my first round. Do I want that? I’m so conflicted on all of it.

So I guess I’ll continue to be anxious and just hope, hope, hope for the best outcome in all of this…