CANCER, PART 2: DAY 70: I’m having chemo…again

So yesterday the morning just sucked. I couldn’t stop crying. I felt so upset, upset that I was going to have to have chemo again. I kept snuggling with Evie, crying on her, wishing that I didn’t have to go. I didn’t want to stop feeling like myself and I was scared I’d feel differently. But we put the cream on my port to numb it and off we went!

When we got there we ended up in the exact setup as we were the very first time I had chemo, so that was a bit weird. We nestled in and waited. Then they weighed me and pulled a mean face. I lost a kilo since Wednesday. I had a dodgy stomach Thursday morning due to nerves so lost a few pounds. But they understood it was nerves so let me continue.

Then I ordered some food for lunch and sat back. It took them about an hour to get me hooked up and ready to start.

I started with 10 minutes of Saline

10 minutes of Steroid

Saline flush

30 minutes of Gemcitabine

and then I started to cry really hard. I just couldn’t believe I was sat there having chemo, “I’m having chemo”…again. I just couldn’t believe it. I couldn’t wrap my head around it, still can’t. It feels impossible even though it’s happening. How does that work? Elliott held my head whilst I sobbed on him. My chemo nurse was staring at me and I just wanted her to go away…

And then I felt like I was on fire. It hit me like a wall. Ell peeled my jacket off and they stopped the infusion, Took my temperature and my blood pressure, all fine. I calmed down and said it might have been from crying so they started the chemo back up and then just like that, it was over.

Saline flush

Glucose flush

Then major wee break!!!

Then they started my Carboplatin, and that lasted an hour

Saline flush

Herceptin flush

Done! Done and home by 2:30. Very fast, much faster than before. No hungover feeling, no horrible tastes in my mouth. I was worn out tired but it could be from the stress and crying all morning. I started having some hip and knee pain that got worse as the night ran on, but it’s all fine this morning, I feel a tiny bit groggy but my sleeping pill helped me to sleep all night, straight through, no problems, I’m okay really. I’m surprised but I think I’ve realised I’m playing the long game with this Cycle. The side effects probably won’t hit until the end of next week but even then I hope they aren’t too bad. The chemo nurse thought I might not lose all my hair this time either!

So next up is next Thursday when I go for just the short infusion of Gemcitabine, 30 minutes. Then I have a two week wait until my next cycle.

Not bad!! Could have been so much worse, I’m very thankful! x