My surgery is now in 24 hours. I am feeling so sick to my stomach. Up and down, tears every five minutes.

It’s been so many appointments leading up to tomorrow. I had my pre-hospital assessment and though I passed all the tests, there were so many! Mrsa, Covid, blood taken to match so they have units of blood in the operating theatre, an eeg, etc. it took over an hour and I left feeling so worn out. I just wanted to curl up into a ball and cry, cry, cry!

This afternoon I have an injection into my breast so that tomorrow morning the sentinel node lights up like a Christmas tree so they can easily cut it out. I also get marked up by the surgeon who will be doing the mastectomy.

I haven’t talked about it much because it’s a bit of a weird thing to say, but if you didn’t know, women who have mastectomies, who are lucky enough to keep their nipples, well they are just for aesthetics. You don’t have any feeling in the entire breast, and definitely not the nipple. So no more feeling in your chest at all. It’s really hard to get your head around, being numb. As soon as I start to complain about it, Elliott reminds me that I’ll be alive and that’s all that matters. That makes me shut up!!!

(I’m still feeling awful though.)