I’m having a love and hate relationship with science right now.

I love that it’s advanced enough to cure people of disease, but I hate that it’s not advanced enough for us to print all the materials we need for my surgery. We should be more advanced, things should have moved on more than this.

This whole situation is making me so angry. I’m furious that I have to have all this surgery for the sake of some boobs. Seriously? It sounds so ridiculous.

For a moment last night I reconsidered all of it and thought of just getting some implants shoved in. But when I woke up this morning, in pain again, I realised that I simply can’t do that.

I’m so terrified of the aftermath. I’m terrified of being in so much pain that I can’t hold my babies. I’m terrified of cutting any part of my body, a body that I was working on making stronger, getting really fit. I know this will be okay, pain is only temporary, but gosh it’s hard.