Tomorrow will be the day where I can say ‘I’ll be done with chemo this month’. It will be the day where I can not only see hope, but finally really feel it. I try so hard to be positive, but many times they are just hollow words. To know that this is almost over makes me cry and cry and cry. I’ve been asking myself a lot lately why I’ve had to endure this hardship. I am so jealous of other people having these amazing, wonderful moments in their lives whilst mine are me in searing pain. I try to make the most out of things, to see how lucky I am, but for some reason lately I’m just sensitive and out of sorts. I know it’s just a symbol of what I’m going through, that it’s just a temporary feeling. I’m telling myself that constantly…
My dear friend Heather came over on Monday, and normally I try hard to be strong, but when I saw her I realised how much I’ve really been suffering. Isolated, lonely…being afraid to let others see what I look like and how they might feel. (I get really upset with pity looks) but now, very soon, the hardest part of my treatment will be behind me. I just simply cannot wait!
My pain hasn’t been as bad this time around (so far). When I woke up this morning I couldn’t move. It was like I had a really hard workout yesterday. I keep some paracetamol next to my bed so I took a couple and then just lay there waiting to be able to move without any pain. I know that the pain from this chemo session is almost over. Just a few more days hopefully and I’ll feel much better. Then it’s just two more times, and after next week just once. I can do this. I can get through this. Just a bit left now….