Well I did it. I had my first radiation treatment. And I knew all along I wouldn’t feel any different afterwards, but I know what I’ve just done, what it will do to me and what my side effects will be. So I was more than a little shaky when I showed up to my appointment.
I’ll spare you some of the finer details but let’s just say that I couldn’t tell if it was just SO cold in the room with the machine or my anxiety but I couldn’t stop shaking. They had to keep repositioning me in the machine because I kept moving. But I nailed it. I did the breathing perfectly each time. They blasted me once from the top right and then two and a bit times from the bottom left. They told me this time that this week I might get shooting pains in my breast. That they won’t be constant but that they will come and go, and that’s just a sign of that I’ve had treatment.
As I held my breath I started reciting in my head part of the sermon at church but then I forgot some of it (Church of England has a precise script they go through each time with some variations) but I couldn’t remember all of it so I used Abraham Lincoln’s Emancipation Proclamation and I found that to be perfect.
I was SO SO scared. I’m still scared that I’m going back tomorrow. The lady today said I’ll feel better once I get used to all of it. But this isn’t something that ANYONE SHOULD EVER HAVE TO GET USED TO, LIKE EVER.
One last thing: My favourite holiday on the planet is Thanksgiving. No presents, just being thankful for what you have in your life. Obviously this year we have more than a little to be thankful for. So I’m going to make a note of a new thing I’m thankful for with each post this month. Trying to stay positive, stay focused on Thanksgiving. Once I get there then I’ll be done with all of crap.
Thankful #1: This might sound cheesy as my first one, but I’m thankful for all of you. The support, the love coming to me and my family from all around the world. I went back a few months ago to the post where I first told everyone about my breast cancer and I had over 70 comments of prayers, thoughts and hugs. I read each one again and felt much stronger after knowing that if something happened to me that I would have made at least a little bit of a mark on each of you. So thank you!! xx
Feeling: Radiated