Cancer Day 121 / Chemo Session 5/8: So much pain :(

I’m trying so hard to be positive, to know that this fight is almost over. But I’m in pure agony. I’ve been trying to not take anything (especially as some of my painkillers could be addictive) and I’ve just had to relinquish as I can’t get any rest. It’s so hard to describe. When I pick something up with my hand, about 30 seconds later it feels like a piece of glass has shattered in my wrist. Or when I walk my ankles, my hips, my back, and even my teeth are screaming at me. It’s just unbearable. I’m trying so hard to make it to Friday. I don’t know why I’ve created an arbitrary date to get towards, but there it is.
And something else that’s been on my mind is that you all take things way too seriously. I really don’t want to sound preachy/all knowing especially as I know how easy it is to get caught up in our daily lives, how even breaking a fingernail can be the worst thing ever…but please try to have some perspective?? I started crying today because I was trying to push Evie in her pram up a hill and I just couldn’t do it. The pain was so bad I almost sat down on the side of the road in the pouring rain and gave up. But I dug deep and was able to do it. Try to see that things are never as bad as you think they are. Trust me, they could always be much, much worse. So appreciate, feel grateful, and try to be positive. And maybe remember what I’m going through? If I can do it, then I know you can too!!

Feeling: In pain