I bought a bedspread online this morning. Way too expensive, really not needed, but I wanted something soft and comforting, something I can hang onto as I go through all this crap. I didn’t speak to Elliott about it before I did it, I picked out the colour myself and just bought it.

I needed to do something because my side effects just suck right now. People ask me how I’m doing and I want to spare them, spare all of you the grisly details so I just say “I’m okay thanks”. But it’s simply not true. I’m not very well. And yesterday was the first day since chemo started where I actually just didn’t work. My stomach pains make me double over. It’s the worst stomach pain I’ve ever had. Nothing happens afterwards. And then I can get so hungry and feel like all I want to do is throw everything up. My leg pain comes and goes and yes it does feel like it’s getting better, but they still ache. I went out yesterday to see if I could find someone to massage my feet and was speaking to a lady at Neal’s Yard, she said they only do whole body massage. So I said I just wanted my feet done and she just kept repeating herself. Like a whole body massage DOES include feet, so why not spend 30 minutes on just my feet? I then just smiled and walked out…

So what medicine am I taking right now?

I drink a Yakult first thing
Prevacid/Lansoprazole for heartburn/stomach acid
Paracetamol for pain (as and when needed)

I take hot baths for my legs/feet and I drink so much water I wee about 4 times in the middle of the night…

What do I eat? Porridge for breakfast really calms my stomach and makes me feel better, but as the day goes on I get more tired and my stomach hurts more. I’ve eaten chicken fried rice 4 nights in a row. It’s the only thing that sounds good. My poor husband went around the street late at night to buy fresh chicken to make it for me. He really is being amazing right now.

And that’s it. I know this is the worst part, and I know after tomorrow I’m halfway through. So that’s good. But I don’t have any idea what to expect on just Gemcitabine alone. I’m a bit anxious about it. Even though I’ve written all the above, each day I wake up post-chemo it does get better and better. So I guess all I can do is wait and see…..